WELCOME BACK TO ME!

So I started this blog many years ago. Since inception I’ve performed on a dozen ships at sea traveling from Bermuda to to Cabo and from Spain to Key West. I’ve released 3 recordings on CD. I’ve written 3 different EBooks. I sold my house and relocated to 3 different addresses and 4 vehicles. Needless to say this blog has been sorely neglected.

I feel this is a good time to resurrect it given the imbalance that exists in America today. There are many observations and corrections to note. So I’m starting with A new graphic.

Much more to come,

 

Steve

 

A TALE FROM THE 47TH

A TALE FROM THE 47TH

“It’s campaign hell, that’s what it is.”

President Compton was thinking aloud again. A President generally keeps his thoughts to himself but sometimes they escape. The privacy of his thoughts is the only true arena for competing actions to earn validity. At least the technology had not yet been invented to capture that!

“I’ve been campaigning to keep this difficult job since I took the oath.” he mused absently fingering a patch of newly gray and now thinning hair.

A sudden rap on the door and in rushed Beth like a gusting wind. Beth has supervised the White House staff from day one never abandoning her brisk mannerism.

“I think you should read this sir.” she said while depositing an already opened letter onto his desk. And then she vanished in a flurry of clicking heels and rustling papers leaving a wisp of faint perfume.

“Dam” he said aloud. “Can you at least wait for a response?”

“I’ll read it when I get around to it” he thought defiantly, “and not before.”

Soon the inscrutable woes of the Presidency gave way to momentary pause and curiosity. He unfolded the page and began to read:

“Dear Mr. President:

My name is Allen. I am 17. I am also captain of the debating team at my school. My team and I was wondering sir...”

Suddenly President Compton put the letter aside and took up his pen.

“This requires a very personal reply” he thought. President Compton had never been particularly fond of his penmanship. It was irregular and seemed to change with every sentence as though written by a different hand. He felt it betrayed his steady, poised demeanor. Never the less he wrote as follows:

“Dear Allen,

I read your letter with great interest.

To seek the office of American President is a contentious pursuit to be certain. Any position of power is besieged from all sides, even sometimes by your closest allies. There are those who seek to interpret the public good according to their own agenda (special interest groups and lobbyists not withstanding).

There are many 'bullies' in the political arena, some have amassed great wealth. Many of the undecided are waiting to pounce should you happen to appear weakened. The unrelenting pendulum of voter preference permits your opponent to indulge in fact free often speculative hyperbole. However, a president must always remain ‘presidential’. No one can embrace the full dimension of this high office until they have taken the oath. And then of course it’s too late to change your mind!

You’ll need to create a thick skin for yourself and your team.

So to answer your question Allen, it is you. It is for you and your team. It is for the 1000’s of young thinkers who will one day address our national woes with fresh and renewed perspective. Whenever I wonder why the work is worthwhile my thoughts turn to the motivated and capable like yourself and your team who will one day build upon my work.

Yes there are certainly tense and stressful moments, but there are also matchless interludes of extraordinary perfection. An American President enjoys the full spectrum of praise and derision.

Besides, the food is outstanding!”

Yours Very Truly,

Brian Francis Compton

47th President of these United States

OUR FLAG AND NATIONAL ANTHEM

     A trend seems to have blossomed among professional athletes who have chosen to ‘act out’  their perception that they are not represented by our national anthem. Some choose to remain seated or kneel when the anthem plays instead of standing, as do other teammates, to acknowledge fondness and support.

     That’s one of the great things about America isn’t it? Everyone is free to indicate their beliefs. To have an opinion.

     I would much rather these athletes come to perceive the intangible greatness of a nation that struggles to improve itself. Such is the full measure of our Flag and our National Anthem.

     America has matured from the unwieldy nation it was when the flag first appeared. The Flag, like our National Anthem, is colored with principle. The blue field of stars represents a new constellation. The red stripe indicates valor and the white stripe purity. If you can disagree with these virtues then I’m glad I don’t know you!

     It's been more than 200 hundred years since Francis Scott Key viewed our embattled Flag during the War of 1812 and was inspired to compose our National Anthem in all it’s majesty.

     We have come a long way from 'Wounded Knee' and 'Rosy the Riveter' or 'Four Dead in Ohio'. The Viet Nam War is behind us just as 'Watergate' and 'Rodney King'. And yet those historic events are now woven into the very tapestry of American history. These issues now have a place in the ‘Stars and Stripes’; each in their own subtle corners. There for each to uncover.

     Are we perfect yet? I'm going to go with 'NO'! Are we better now? For the most part... Do we constantly toil to improve? No other option. Is government easy? Nope. Just ask Barack. Do some feel invisible, neglected or unrepresented? Hell yes! You don't have to be gay or a person of color for that. Just talk to a Musician, we don't even show up in the employment stats!

     Sometimes it all seems like a load of ‘nothing good’ to me as well, but you have to admit; Our  Flag is still here. And the community of Nations is better for it. Maybe America should get a new domain name: ‘Foreign Aid’.

     If you hold America up to ideal standards you’ll likely be disappointed. Compare America to the conduct of so many other nations and you will be awakened.

     Why would so many thousands who yearn for a better reality want to crash our borders? Stay here illegally? Fly under the 'social' radar? Risk their lives and their families in flimsy rafts just for the hope of reaching a shore filled with tangible promise and a workable future? Go figure. Are they crazed?

     These iconic symbols of America have been revered for nearly ten generations. When you reject the 'Star Spangled Banner' or 'Old Glory'... you are revealed. You are like Donald Trump blithely accepting the donation of a Purple Heart. You did nothing to earn it and so it lacks meaning in your life.

     You affirm ( by way of action ) that you do not expect to be included in the way forward. You declare that American inspiration and potential is not present in your life even as thousands clamor at the gate.

     Be reminded that you are also role models. You may be enabling the impressionable young to behave in the self same way. What would Tupac say?

     The National Anthem is patriotism… period. We embrace the Flag, not only for all it has been through, but for all the possibilities that lay ahead and beyond.

     One of the great things about America is that we have no prisoners here. We are all free to move along.

OPEN REMARKS TO DONALD TRUMP

OPEN REMARKS TO DONALD TRUMP

Perhaps we may at last put to rest the ongoing Republican denial of climate change. At this hour the East Coast is baking, the West Coast is burning and the Southern States are Flooding. Additionally, there are 4 weather disturbances in the Tropics and two more forming in the Pacific not to mention a deadly earthquake in Italy. I understand that Republicans often selectively deny climate issues. If an issue does not exist then certainly there is no need for recognition or funding. As has been said: 'Ignorance is bliss'.

Dear Mr. Trump,

American Presidents are not permitted to employ sarcasm. Sarcasm is a concept that may not be widely recognized by the international community.

You ( as President ) are not permitted to exaggerate, mis-interpret, re-imagine, mis-quote or mis-remember. Those are the rules. A President can seldom ‘ walk it back ‘.

Every President is tasked to ‘ call out ‘ on behalf of all Americans; to every voter [ indeed to every global citizen ] and to establish a path forward for our nation. That’s the job. There is nothing more relevant to the office.

Your behavior / role as a real estate mogul would cease. You would then become a servant of our nation. I'm curious, does public service appear anywhere on your resume?

May I also remark that Americans are weary of witnessing their legislators to be attired in expensive clothing like French Sleeves and Cuff Links. And all for a day at the office? It’s rather elitist. But then again you have always been reluctant to conceal your opulent wealth.


Congress! Roll up your sleeves and get to work for America. This is not a fashion show!

Being ' very Presidential ' is not a suit to be worn on only a special occasion.

Election winning candidates such as Bill Clinton and President Obama and to a certain extent George W. Bush seem to possess a quality that you lack. I cannot know what your term might be for this quality but I label it ' refined '.

These esteemed public servants are not the product of reality TV. They were previously elected as Governor or Senator ( okay, one was a cheerleader ). Kindly familiarize yourself with the scope of their work. They are not billionaires and so may not be among the 1%.

However, each in turn has rather fumbled the fragile jewel of global perception upon which our national securities depend. Let’s put an end to that.

My impression of POTUS is that even our greatest leaders must continually perfect their diplomatic skills. Diplomacy is difficult. It is the domain of masterful communicators ( not masterful salesman ).

I was resigned in belief that this obstructionist Republican Congress could go no further in diminishing the Presidency. But then, the party selected you as their nominee.

Mr. Trump. You are a volatile candidate to be certain. Volatility has been the cornerstone of your entire campaign.

I’ve managed to cobble together a few realities that we, the American people, must be prepared to accept should you actually become elected:

1.) The stock market will tank. The market deplores volatility.

2.) You would be the only President to bring multiple divorces into the office. You would also be the only President whose First Lady was featured in a nude pictorial. I truly am not qualified to wax cogently about the influence this might have on younger women who have traditionally found the role of FLOTUS to be inspirational. 

3.) At this writing you would be the first candidate who has refused to release their Tax return. I suppose it is difficult to seek paltry campaign donations when you are purported to have billions at your disposal.

4.) You are the first Candidate to accept a nomination while persisting to issue broad based condemnations of women, war heroes, Muslims and Hispanics. And most recently, the media.

You were gifted with a ‘ Purple Heart ’ remarking that you’ve always wanted one and that ‘ this way was so much easier’.

FYI: No one seeks to obtain a ‘ Purple Heart ’. One receives the award to honor life threatening acts of heroism. Of course, since you were able to avoid military service, you may not be aware of the true relevance.

5.) You would also be the first candidate to infer that a woman who is beleaguered by unwanted sexual advances in the workplace should simply extract themselves and to go in search of another place of employment. What does that even mean?

Your remark is ludicrous. However, this would seem to be in line with previous Republican remarks whose lack of reproductive awareness has astonished every graduate of eighth grade biology.

6.) You would be the only nominee to assure coal miners that you would personally rejuvenate the coal industry; an industry whose product has lost relevance in the 21^st Century. Sadly, that noble and now struggling workforce has placed their trust in you. “ Trump Digs Coal “.

7.) One for the records; you would be the first and only candidate ever to be simultaneously endorsed by Sarah Palin, Larry the Cable Guy, Dennis Rodman, Duck Dynasty, Mike Tyson, Ann Coulter and the KKK ( albeit disavowed ). Moreover, previous Republican Presidents have chosen to boycott your nominating convention.

Let’s face it. The Republican party has nominated the proverbial ‘ Smelly Cat ‘ portrayed in song by Phoebe Buffay on the 90’s American TV sit-com ‘ Friends ’. You sir are that ‘ Smelly Cat ‘.

High ranking members of the RNC have sought to distance themselves from you in prior months. And now, astonishingly, these same individuals are reversing themselves as if to say that the smell could have been worse. They have chosen ‘ party over country ‘.

All of America is watching and all are well informed.

ABOUT ELECTRIC MOTORING

CONSIDER ELECTRIC MOTORING

Sturdy, silent, safe and emission free. This variety of transportation lingers above my generation in the 'spectral promise' of future greatness such as the 'flying car' or the 'hover craft' or even the 'jet pack'. Seemingly attainable yet just beyond reach.

But what has become of electric motoring? Decades have passed and still no electric ride. Sure we have golf carts and 'segways' and 'scooters' but nothing so rigorous as to venture onto the highways of America.

We know that GM fabricated some 100 vehicles ( the EV1 ) back in the 90's. Those vehicles were test driven and marketed in California and then abruptly recalled and
destroyed ( read: crushed ) despite good reviews. The EV1 was a very handsome vehicle and in many ways more attractive than some current offerings. Only one or two survived demolition but they were disabled and are now on display in museums.

Apparently the EV1 answered a mandate to meet State of California zero emissions standards. That legislation was reversed when the Bush administration joined the fray in 2006. Petroleum companies and parts manufacturers were put off by the low maintenance requirements of an electric vehicle and feared an industry wide decline. The final determination was that there was no market for an electric vehicle.

So what is the case for an electric vehicle today?

To my knowledge not one among us can pump fuel into their gasoline tank at home. We must visit a filling station that is licensed and taxed and inspected and approved for the safe handling of hazardous materials.

The same cannot be said for an electric car. We can connect our vehicle to an outlet at home and proceed to lounge on the sofa ( or over night ) as the batteries are recharged.

But how do fueling stations engage in price competition for the sale of a commodity that is widely available at home? Electricity prices per kilowatt hour are regulated by the regional public service commission.

That brings us to time requirements. My cell phone battery is only about 2 inches square and perhaps one quarter inch thick. None the less it takes every bit of 3 hours to do a complete charge. How much time is required to charge the contingent of batteries necessary to power a vehicle? A car weighs more than a ton ( more than 2 ton to have a smooth ride ). Then you have to add bodies and all the personal gear and that makes a weightier ride. It will likely be a very long while before electric vehicles can accommodate commercial trucking.

Nearly everything on a vehicle is electric... windows, door locks, fans, audio / video, wipers, headlights, fuel and of course power steering pumps. All of that creates a great demand on battery capacity.

A fully charged vehicle has a range of 60 to 80 miles. I guess there won't be any lengthy road trips! Can you imagine pulling into a filling station only to be told that the next charging facility will be available in 2 hours knowing that it takes 3 hours to charge your vehicle? That would really knock the fun out of your day! Although it does give rise to a variety of cottage industries and a great deal more opportunity to use our other battery powered devices. At present some 'Whole Foods' locations do indeed offer recharging facilities in the parking area for electric vehicles to shoppers.

And that brings us to batteries. Certainly there is great room for improvement in every form of battery in current use. Perhaps it is little known that even the vaunted Toyota Prius ( a hybrid ) sports a hefty compliment of short lived batteries. The batteries are warranted for 3 to 5 years and then need to be replaced ( about $10,000 ). Chances are we won't be seeing a proliferation of used Prius' in the marketplace.

 Tesla Motors has conceived and is now marketing an electric roadster that is very impressive. They purport that recharge time is a mere 66 mins, and also that you can achieve a distance of some 300 miles depending upon your driving habits. The faster you drive the faster your battery life is depleted. The Tesla Model S ( starting at $53000 ) is so quiet that the vehicle is equipped with external speakers to broadcast engine sounds.

There are many challenges to continued electric motoring success. A year after I wrote this content I received an email from my friend in Australia that purports an engine has been invented that could achieve 300 miles per gallon. I sent the link to some friends who replied with the following observations:

"Snopes.com called the information 'bunk'."

"By the time that technology reaches us we will be paying $10 per gallon anyway."

and finally - "Don't forget that mines have been using electric vehicles for many years. Internal combustion engines would spell doom for the miners. Instead electric vehicles that can carry tons for many hours on end are utilized but the technology has never been shared."

THE STATUS OF LIVE MUSIC

I feel uniquely qualified to author this blog entry given that I've invested the better part of 40 years trying to eke out a livelihood in this business.

The music biz wasn't always difficult. When I began my career there were not that many artists in the marketplace and fewer musical styles as well. It was easier to find a commonality with the listener; easier to learn and perform songs that everyone seemed to enjoy. Many of those 'new' artists are still with us today like Santana and James Taylor and Elton John.

I suppose the first blow to live music arose from the popularity of Disco. Most disco songs were not musically interesting apart from a few breakout tunes. The true star of disco was the dancer / listener. It was their style, their moves and their need to be expressive that brought disco to the pop charts. The actual music was largely repetitive but that mattered little.

Then MIDI came along. MIDI is a technology that allows a musician to create mutli-track, digital recordings. It can be an expensive pursuit in that you need a large array of gear ( sequencers, drum computers, synthesizers, sample players etc ). Using MIDI a musician can generate drum, piano, string tracks and much more using only their own skill set. In this way a musician can literally become the only person in the band. Once you assemble enough tracks to fill up a night you're on your way. That is if you can hold your own as a personality.

MIDI reduced music to math; note 32 is a kick drum, note 33 is a rim shot, note 44 is a ride symbol etc. The music produced became ( as my friend Joe would say ) 'stiff'. We can thank disco for this looped repetition. MIDI is actually responsible for two blows to the performance of live music. The first is that we now see generally non-traditional instruments ( brass, woodwinds, percussion ) performing as solo acts. They no longer need a band as long as they have tracks performing the body of a song. And then came Karaoke...

Minus tracks. The entire body of the song is present in a karaoke recording apart from the vocals ( melody ). Again the premise is to feature the dancer / listener as the star. The end singer can sound really professional without even the discipline to learn the words! Lyrics magically appear on the video screen. A talented and prolific studio musician can turn out ( sequence ) two or three karaoke tracks a day at $100 each.

Today the sounds of music have become very complicated indeed. Countless musical genres exist in the marketplace. That's way too many popular tunes for one group or one person to embrace in a repertoise. Prolific artistic diversity. That leads us to yet another impact on live music... the DJ. A DJ requires no musical training and very little expertise. A DJ delivers the recordings of actual musicians rather like a popular event from the fifties... the 'sock hop'. A DJ was once required to haul a great, bulky, crated library of recordings so they could fulfill any request. With the advent of MP3 files all they really need now is a capacious hard drive on their laptop and a big sound system ( even the iconic 'scatching' sound is digitally sampled ). Any required musicianship is present only on the featured  recordings.

Now we have prime time 'talent' shows like 'the Voice' and 'American Idol'. Again the musicians playing live are unseen while the contestant ( read 'singer' ) struggles to impress the judges and to wow the viewer. If the reader believes these shows are popular with working musicians they would be mistaken. It's fair to say that if Bach, Beethoven and Mozart were to appear before Simon Cowell he would help you choose a winner!

And lastly we have to include the recent economic down turn. Live music has always been dependent upon patronage. It was true in the 17th century and it is no less true in the 21st century. Sometimes patrons are local pub / venue owners. Sometimes a patron is a private party or an appreciative listener who tips. Without patronage the performance of live music is extinguished. Most small venues struggle to survive. You might encounter a ( 9 pc ) orchestra these days on a ship at sea or perhaps in a gambling mecca like Vegas or Atlantic City. Symphonic orchestral music lurks sporadically on the cultural fringe.

Even iconic producer Quincy Jones has voiced his misgivings about the future of the music business. You may have noticed that plenty of newly released tunes are built around digital samples of timelessly popular hit songs. This is not an homage, this is theft.

I think we can all agree that there are few things in life better than live music. It is the rhythm of our day. A snapshot in time, a captured moment or sentiment. It gives voice to our feelings and generates an emotion uniquely individual. It's real. It's happening now... and it's very cool!

My Ode to Summer

What will you do with your summer? It's a big ol' world out there. 

Swimming, diving, camping, hiking, and don't forget sports. Perhaps it's time to work on that tennis game or try your hand at windsurfing. How about a few weeks at the lake? Snorkeling is good. Maybe you'll finally make that California trip. Branson, Las Vegas...you might even get around to that cruise vacation! Even in the old neighborhood there's plenty of community parks around!

When I was a kid ( seems like last month ) I would go to the playground on Prospect Avenue near my boyhood home... that would be in the Finger Lakes region of upstate New York. We had a softball team and a couple of patient college aged supervisors who taught macramé and boondoggle when they weren't breaking up some minor altercation! Anyone care for a pot holder?

On the weekends I'd  have a traveling lemonade stand in the bed of a little red wagon pulled by the younger brother. Hardly anyone would venture into my marginal neighborhood so I had to get the product out to them ( I'm actually still doing that ). In later years I had the summer job thing happening... I picked strawberries for ten cents a quart. ( I really hated that job. ) When I was old enough I had a small lawn mowing business and was actually able to buy my first guitar with the proceeds. Of course Dad had to haul me and the mower around which was not high on his happiness list.

Each year the family made it's annual pilgrimage to Roseland Amusement Park in nearby Canandaigua, NY. It was a kind of budgety Six Flags but we always had a ball. I could hardly wait till I was old enough to go on the adult rides. Dad had an old black and white Mercury with a 'merc-o-matic' transmission... the gear shift was mounted on the dashboard and the starter was on the floor. Curiously there were a number of cigarette lighter burns on the front seat... oops!

Occasionally we'd all head out to the 'cottage'. This was a small lake house built by one uncle on the 'high banks' of Seneca lake. A long rickety staircase led down a shear embankment to the shore. The water was nearly always freezing and the bottom was covered with sharp rocky shale... quite the perfect way to slice open your chubby pink toes! It was always exciting when we were permitted to drive my uncles' home made go-cart up and down the dirt access road. For some reason I always associate these days with the spice 'dill weed'. That aroma always rekindles the 'cottage day' experience.

 

Around mid-evening a street vendor would pass by selling ice cream treats. There was one street light near our house. The pavement was red brick, and the neighborhood was integrated. As often as possible we'd all try to stay out late to play 'kick the can' under that streetlight. Generally by 9 pm the sun would set. The folks would tire of that 'can sound' and call us all inside.

One night each year June bugs would hatch out ( kind of an over large ladybug ). We children, being cruel things, would do our best to swat at them with baseball bats. Once in a while we'd all go to nearby Genesee Street park and play 'Red rover, red rover, I dare you come over'! Chestnuts would fall from the trees at the end of summer and be collected just to see who could gather the most. 

 

I was a small town boy. In fact my graduation class had around 64 students. We would not have been so crowded except that our school district merged with another in the last semester thereby doubling the size of the senior class! Those summer nights meant so much to me and are one reason why I love South Florida. Now every night is a summer night! 

The heat, the beach, ( sometimes ) the strawberries... if only there was someone in this neighborhood who played 'kick the can'.

Make a memory this summer. You won't regret it!

POLITICS FOR WOMEN

It’s time for our society to realize that men are not good at politics.

We’ve seen arrogant dictators world wide ( all male ) who would rather slaughter the innocent than relinquish power. There is nary a place on the globe where males can be found who succeed as political representatives. Period. Apparently men are not very adept at governance.

Men suck at budgeting. Men can’t get along. They bicker. They posture. They draw a line in the sand. They war. They don’t say what they mean. The ‘good old boy’ mentality has been running Washington D.C. for so very long that America has been driven into the proverbial ‘ditch’.  The US government seems broken at every level. Wars, debt, poverty, cronyism, a crumbling infrastructure, a diminished economy and of course 'catering to the very wealthiest' ... the list goes on and on and on without end.

And what is the legacy? What has been accomplished? How can we Americans move forward?

Every election cycle is the same tired and rather sad story... cycle after cycle without resolution. Immigration reform, women’s reproductive rights, entitlement funding, military funding, health care reform and more and more; nothing is resolved, nothing has changed. Nothing seems to move forward. It’s enough to make you blow red, white and blue chunks as one poseur after another conjures up cheap sentiment regarding faith, mom, and / or the American dream!

The fascinating thing about this is that every male at every level in every office in every civilized location worldwide knows with certainty that it’s women who are in charge.

Women keep the home in order. It's women who manage the household budget and bring meals to the table. Women manage a family’s financial and social obligations, plan for weddings and births and deftly manage the simple niceties of gifting, networking, child rearing and basically living together. These traits are the very root of the political skill set.

A burly guy who can move the sofa is probably a poor choice for political representation. A guy who fares well on the battlefield isn’t necessarily a good legislator. The descendant of some wealthy and familiar political dynasty is not automatically worthy of your vote. Be wise and examine the true reality of a candidate’s circumstance.

A woman has the final word in physical intimacy. Apparently some of the male electorate still do not understand basic biology! And still it’s the woman who must fight for her physical rights or even to march into battle along side her male counterparts. It’s also women who most effectively comfort the afflicted.

This has been such a load of ongoing rubbish! Apparently men fear women to a great extent. And whatever man fears he wants to control. Centuries past ( in the orient ) a woman’s feet were bound and broken and so women were made to hobble. Women have been collected into harems. The Islamic world still forces women to cover themselves head to toe with the ‘burka’. Islamic women are still denied a driver’s license. Even now daughters are bartered or sold or forced into arranged marriages for the good of the family. Women and children have been murdered for only their desire to be educated. Again, this has been such a load of rubbish!

None the less our society has been blessed with male dominance. What a piece of crap this has been for modern society! Peer closely at your world and you’ll see that this is all true.

I think men have had more than a fair chance at governing and they’ve blown it. It’s troubling to say this as a guy but I think it’s time for the long winded and long serving men ( who have manipulated American policy to their great personal benefit ) to vacate the halls of power.

Men excel at the kind of testosterone fueled bravado necessary to build fires, stab prey and sear meat ( let’s call it the slash, burn and barbecue effect ). These skills of conquest, once laudable, are barely appropriate in today's political arena. Women are schooled in subtle perceptions of detail that have yet to be employed in international circles. 

Come on good ole boys, step aside!

ABOUT ROOMMATES

The great thing about growing older (if there is a great thing) is that we gain life experience. We survived adolescence; we made peace with our siblings and our parents and somehow managed to side step the bullies having made our way into the world.


There have been a lot of residences in my own life and a number of addresses on both land and at sea. I’d estimate at least 7 US cities, 12 ships at sea and one Caribbean nation.


That having been said the first thing I would mention is that I don’t mind having a room mate. Certainly not all room mates are the same. Guys want to bring home women (not so bad), and women want to bring home guys. One female roommate actually received calls from 21 different guys in a single day before I told her to get her own phone! On several mornings I’ve come out of my room to find a pair of pants on the sofa and they weren’t my pants! Other times you go for morning coffee and find a complete stranger wearing a house coat preparing breakfast. Clearly one must maintain an open mind. As long as they all take the trouble to clean up after themselves I’m generally a fountain of good will. Still they are strangers whose past and intent is unknown.


But when a roommate begins to have guests it changes the balance. Suddenly it is no longer a one to one living arrangement but rather two to one (even if temporarily). Suddenly there is another entire nexus of a relationship using my furniture, my dishware, my flatware... and I am disregarded. I begin to feel disenfranchised in my own home and I don’t like it. The inconvenient person, the third wheel, three’s a crowd! There are whispers and hushed tones and planning. A complete stranger is staying in my home for an unspecified time? Not that I wish to be included in their plans though it’s still annoying. I’m the one who puts a household at risk. I’m the one who runs the dishwasher and returns everything to the drawers and to the cabinets and cleans up the unseen spatters. It isn’t as though they are family? It isn’t part of the lease agreement.


This is especially troubling because all the room mates I’ve hosted lease ‘utilities included’. Their rental is a constant. It never goes up or down. So if they have a guest it’s always on my nickel. Each time a guest makes use of the appliances or showers or flushes... it’s always my nickel. I’m gratified that guests at least shower and flush though I don’t think I should be paying for their visit! I have even stated in the lease agreement that guests are ‘not permitted’ and yet that provision continues to be conveniently ignored. From time to time an overnight guest is unavoidable and I’m not so rigid as to forbid it in the absolute. This all may seem like a trivial issue to the reader but when you add together dozens of guests over 25 years it totals quite a sum!


One trouble is that room mates are not very good at participating in the household. They are quick to avail themselves of your supplies like plastic cups and freezer bags and trash bags and aluminum foil and paper towels... but they don’t contribute. They replace nothing. Roommates help themselves as though they were entitled; as if it were included as a portion of their lease agreement.


In my home we do not wear shoes. The carpet is light beige and the parking lot is littered with glass shards, tar balls, duck droppings and an entire panorama of anomalies we do not want deposited on the carpet. So we remove our shoes in the doorway.


It isn’t that difficult. Men seem to catch on a bit more quickly than women even still they often need reminding. A woman will co-operate for two maybe three visits and then seem to forget as if they were never informed. Too lazy or too lofty to remove their shoes, especially after so much effort has gone into selecting their footwear!

My current room mate has been here 4 months. The spare room smells like a locker and the vacuum cannot pass because the floor is so cluttered. I can speak with some certainty that should I leave for even a few weeks he would have the rest of my house sporting that same disarray. He would never notice that the house plants needed water and so I would return to a house filled with weeds. People often fight for a window view and yet this guy never opens the blinds to let the sunshine enter. I can manage to clean myself properly in a 5 - 7 minute shower and yet this guy needs 15 - 17 minutes. Moreover, without my presence, I believe he would have his girl friend moved in full and proper, both enjoying themselves once again on my nickel!

It’s time to look for a new roommate.

THE GREETER

Some years past I was residing in Southern California.
It was a mixed blessing of sorts though I never tired of the exploration. California is the biggest and wealthiest state in the union but there's no place to park and they can't pay their bills!

One day I visited the small town of Laguna Beach. I suppose it's best known for the beach culture but there is very much more. I was quite taken by the 'artsy' and energetic quality of this village.

The South Coast Highway brings visitors into the town proper. It's a nice ride along the Pacific Coast.

At some point, many years past, (Eiler Larson) a homeless, rather itinerant looking WWI veteran (not unlike Gandalf and Santa combined) came to town. A Danish stranger who stationed himself on one corner (Greeters Corner) and made it his business to wave his welcoming hand to every vehicle as it entered town.

It's likely that residents were at first wary of this odd looking gent. He was scruffy. Unwashed. Poorly clothed. Heavily bearded. An undesireable. Though in time the 'Greeter' (as he was known) became a local novelty and endeared himself to many.

Local eateries began to offer meals to the 'Greeter' at the close of business. The holidays brought cash and gifts from local residents as trepidation faded and fondness grew. The 'Greeter' had become something of a local and trusted institution applauded by all and who thrived on a torrent of goodwill from the community.

A final and dignified resolution, the 'Greeter' passed away at the age of 84 in 1975 having bellowed and waved his hellos for 35 years. The community grieved. Residents would eventually commission two huge statues to celebrate what the 'Greeter' called his 'mission of friendliness'.

Some years later a new 'Greeter' appeared. He was equally thread bare and equally unknown. He was equally homeless and itinerant. And he was ultimately rejected.

The towns folk labeled him the 'false' Greeter. He was basically shunned. He was reviled even though performing the same well intentioned task. I've always wondered why?
The official Greeter's appeal to the community was clearly greater than that of some disheveled vagabond. Was it merely the cult of personality? Was the greeter adopted by the community because of his uniqueness alone? Was it merely a case of being in the right place at the right time? Is the original 'Greeter' irreplaceable? Was the 'false' greeter merely a pretender? Is the community now to carry on with no iconic 'Greeter'?

It would seem that the fullness of welcome has been lost.

And why is that?

ABOUT BALDNESS

Some of my friends once worked for the ‘Haagen-Daz’ distributors here in Miami Florida. Maybe they still do. It was a very big operation with freezers the size of a warehouse and temperatures below zero. There was office staff and deliver route drivers but only one warehouse supervisor. His job was to count everything that went into and out of the huge freezer.

Since the freezer was very cold this fellow wore a snow suit to stay warm. Of course he rolled up the sleeves a bit to accommodate a clipboard and pen but the rest of him was insulated and comfortable.


Over time I noticed that the hair on his forearms began to grow thicker and more dense. Our group of friends would sometimes meet over the weekend for burgers and a pool party. Whenever he came outside it was easy to notice that although most of his body had a regular amount of hair, it was his forearms that seemed a bit over grown. The forearms had a kind of Popeye-like quality. The arms seemed much larger and a bit out of proportion because of the overgrown hair.


And it started me thinking. The rest of his body was covered with a snowsuit and the preponderance of hair seemed normal apart from the forearms. I concluded that over time his body was able to detect a great difference in temperature on the forearms and stimulated those hair follicles specifically to produce added growth. It seemed the only plausible explanation.


And so I began to wonder about the baseball cap wearing guys who frequent the neighborhood. I feel that they are doing the opposite to their hair.



By covering their heads they are telling the body that the head is warm enough and does not require added hair growth. And so the hair thins and dissipates. It seems like a certain recipe for baldness.


When I mentioned this theory to some of my new friends they were unconvinced. I guess most people feel that the body is not capable of responding to external stimulus so rapidly.


They suggested that the best way to keep a healthy head of hair was to soak your head in the freezer.


I wonder if that would work?

ABOUT ALLITERATION

Who doesn’t love a good rhyme? Save the Waves. See the USA in your Chevrolet. Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’, have a bee in your bonnet?
 In like fashion Americans have embraced alliteration as a memory aid ever since we ‘sailed the seven seas’. ‘I before E except after C’. Oh, there are plenty more examples and in every walk of life. Our dictionary states the following:

 Our dictionary describes alliteration as something like; the commencement of two or more stressed syllables of a word group either with the same sound or sound group (vocalic alliteration).

Cartoon figures. Almost all of the lovable characters to populate our animated tales feature alliterative names; Fred Flintstone, Bugs Bunny, Mickey and Mighty and Minnie Mouse, Pink Panther, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig and more. You can add to this list at your leisure.

 So it’s not surprising that product vendors and manufacturers of all kinds have availed themselves of this popular technique. Alliterative product names include: Dirt Devil, Swisher Sweets, Stanley Steamer, Bacon Bits, French Fries, Coca Cola, Rocky Road… think about it.

Celebrities like Marilyn Monroe, Alan Alda, Hulk Hogan and Greta Garbo changed their names to become alliterative. Rachel Ray, Courtney Cox, Steven Spielberg, Sylvester Stallone, Charlie Chaplin, Wendy Williams, Barry Bonds, Kim Kardasian, Vince Vaughn and many others still use their given names. Marion Morrison actually became less alliterative when he changed his name to John Wayne.

Politics has its’ own alliterative presence. Herbert Hoover, Ronald Reagan, Oval Office, Woodrow Wilson, et al.

 There’s lots of comic book characters too: Peter Parker (Spider Man), Clark Kent (- Superman -same sound different letters), Lois Lane, Lex Luther etc.

I suppose you wonder why this is significant?

 It’s how we are conditioned. It rhymes. It’s poetic. It lilts. It’s a twirl in the sun that creates a connection.

ABOUT POLITICIANS

Truth is irrelevant. What matters is how you portray the opposition.


Let’s face it. Our legislators have very few original thoughts. At one time they were great academicians, now they have speech writers. Their greatest challenge has become how to issue a pithy spin that can enhance their party line while casting a pall on the competition.

Its high time Americans come to realize that the Democratic and Republican National Committees are in truth huge, privately held multi-million dollar companies masquerading as not-for-profit corporations. Candidates can only get funding if they adhere to the party line. Only marginal experience is required. Sure an individual prospect must possess ‘likability’ to be selected as a candidate. Let’s call this the ‘Palin’ effect. Being the Governor of Alaska is about equal to being the Mayor of Washington, DC (they have roughly the same population).

I promise you that the vast majority of our legislators have little interest in helping average Americans. They don’t have to be helpful. That might have been their initial goal. However, after a few years in government an otherwise earnest representative is so busy concealing their own personal array of corruptions that they have little time to look after us (we), the puny people.

Additionally, the only way to remain in office is to please the party elders. No party affiliation, no campaign finance. It’s the law of supply and demand - meet the demands of anyone who provides you with the largest supply of money. It’s all about funding. Further the party platform with sound bytes and photo ops. Results are desired but not required. Campaign funding rules the day. The recent mid-term election was perhaps the most expensive in political history. As you are fully aware it was one negative spin after another.

The 21st century has (so far) provided us with vivid, intimate awareness not only about our celebrities, but about our politicians as well. Tabloid magazines. Twitter. Even the Pope and the Queen have Facebook pages. We already know that some of the political electorate is guilty of infidelity, bribery, collusion, conspiracy, blackmail and malfeasance.

It is true that we as the public select our celebrities for adulation and elect our politicians in like fashion. We expect that our experience with previous behavior will deliver superior results. That is sadly more certain among low end workers and diminishes accordingly among our executives.


To paraphrase Mark Twain; 'Two things you never want to see being made: laws and sausages.'



In part and in addition to international relations, we elect the congress to look after our regional and local needs. In a perfect world it is the job of our representatives to secure funding for our schools and improve our infrastructure; to keep our taxes low while promoting industry, creating jobs and soliciting investments that will augment our prosperity. And yet so much prospective funding legislation is ‘pork’. And we call it ‘pork’ because much of it lacks wide ranging, even pertinent distinctiveness; construction projects, or grants that favor campaign contributors. You can find many examples on your own.

The truth is that our legislators are nearly incapable of doing the work for which they were chosen. Ham-fisted. State and local as well as Federal houses of government are peopled with master manipulators. Longevity on the job often indicates a level of expertise in networking through the complicated protocols of ‘the deal’. However, it is more likely that an experienced legislator is skilled at managing hirsute affiliations rather than duties to the electorate. A smooth politician.


To paraphrase Honore de Balzac: “Law is a silvery web that lets the big flies pass and catches the small ones”.

Think about it. America desired independence from Britain because there was taxation without representation. The colonies paid import, export and sin taxes to the crown without even so much as a voice in the royal ear to convey issues in a true way. Out with the old.

We then proceeded to elect our royalty and have been doing so ever since. In with the new. Our representatives are provided with high salaries (they can vote themselves a pay raise), they receive perks like free dining privileges and excellent health care insurance. They are permitted to postpone the obligations of their current office so they might go onto the campaign trail, effectively pursuing a different job while being fully paid for the one they seek to abandon. Try that at work! Perhaps they are named Adams, or Bush or Kennedy or McCain or Clinton.

I suppose there is a case for brand loyalty. I am, after all, inclined to replace a failed appliance that has served well with a model of the same brand. Moreover, I often hope that previous employers will remember to call upon me again when the chance arises.

Now what about lobbyists? Executive legislators can influence the policies of generations to come and as such are continually tempted (if not harangued) with and by special interest groups who seek to interpret the public good according to their own private agenda (s). A flood of data coupled with persuasive incentives hoping to affect a vote or at the very least elicit support. It’s safe to say that our electorate encounters the faces of familiar lobbyists far more frequently than they might encounter ‘Joe or Sally housecoat’.

A revolving door exists between the Department of Defense and Defense contractors; it is the same between pharmaceutical manufacturers and the FDA. The same exists between the FDIC and brokerage firms like Goldman Sachs and Merrill Lynch. In view of recent events in the Gulf of Mexico I think it’s safe to include the Mineral Management Service and its cozy relationship with the petroleum industry as well.

So who is representing you? There is deserving concern that Americas greatest invention, the middle class, is dissolving. A few weeks past President Obama addressed a fund raising dinner at $30K for each plate. That is more than many people earn annually. Even as government contemplates curtailing unemployment benefits, they also deliberate on extending the so-called Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest 1% of Americans. So how is representation going for you?

ABOUT SIT-COMS

For the less initiated this particular blog addresses: ‘situation-comedies’. You know. Those semi-endearing, character driven, often ridiculous televised portrayals of life we once enjoyed before there were true ‘reality shows’. As far back as ‘Ozzie and Harriett’ and the ‘Honeymooners’ up to and including ‘Two and a Half Men’ and the ‘Big Bang Theory’, they are prime time staples.

They’re still 30 minutes long (21 if you deduct commercials). There are still 7 main characters. They still use laugh tracks, a practice I find personally insulting. I know when to laugh and I do not require prompting.
I sometimes reference these shows as ‘comfort media’. We’ve seen these programs many times. We know the names and histories of the characters and cast. Many have concluded production and exist now only in ‘syndication’.

Syndication as you know is that state wherein a show that was terminated as far back as the fifties can still find a market (albeit sometimes in international translations) on today’s broadcast schedule. How else could a twenty something of today embrace ‘I Love Lucy’ or ‘Bewitched’ or the black and white televised images of ‘Amos and Andy’!

One can hardly turn on the tube without encountering reruns (sorry, ‘encore presentations’) of ‘Friends’ or ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, or ‘Frasier’ or ‘Cheers’ or ‘Reba’ and many more. In fact, the entire schedule of the ‘TV Land’ network is comprised of the very many half hour shows that lost popularity among previous audiences decades ago… hence they were cancelled. But just as the ‘Mummy’ might say: “Death is only the beginning”. Where else can cheesy effects, clumsily written stereotypes, stiff acting and fabricated  pretense find an everlasting time slot.

ABOUT SUMMER

What will you do with your summer? It's a big ol' world out there. Swimming, diving, camping, hiking, and don't forget sports. Perhaps it's time to work on that tennis game or try your hand at windsurfing. How about a few weeks at the lake? Snorkeling is good. Maybe you'll finally make that California trip. Branson, Las Vegas...you might even get around to that cruise vacation! Even in the old neighborhood there's plenty of community parks around!


When I was a kid (not that long ago) I would go to the playground on Prospect Avenue near my boyhood home... that would be in the Finger Lakes region of upstate New York. We had a softball team and a couple of patient college aged supervisors who taught macramé and boondoggle when they weren't breaking up some minor altercation! Anyone care for a pot holder?

On the weekends I'd have a traveling lemonade stand in the bed of a little red wagon pulled by the younger brother. Hardly anyone would venture into my marginal neighborhood so I had to get the product out to them (I'm actually still doing that). In later years I had the summer job thing happening... I picked strawberries for ten cents a quart. (I really hated that job.) When I was old enough I had a small lawn mowing business and was actually able to buy my first guitar with the proceeds. Of course Dad had to haul me and the mower around which was not high on his list.

Each year the family made it's annual pilgrimage to Roseland Amusement Park in nearby Canandaigua, NY. It was a kind of budgety Six Flags but we always had a ball. I could hardly wait till I was old enough to go on the adult rides. Dad had an old black and white Mercury with a 'merc-o-matic' transmission... the gear shift was mounted on the dashboard and the starter was on the floor. Curiously there were a number of cigarette lighter burns on the front seat... oops!

Occasionally we'd all head out to the 'cottage'. This was a small lake house built by one uncle on the 'high banks' of Seneca lake. A long rickety staircase led down a shear embankment to the shore. The water was nearly always freezing and the bottom was covered with sharp rocky shale... quite the perfect way to slice open your chubby pink toes! It was always exciting when we were permitted to drive my uncles' home made go-cart up and down the dirt access road. For some reason I always associate these days with the spice 'dill weed'. That aroma always rekindles the 'cottage day' experience.

There was one street light near our house. The pavement was red brick, and the neighborhood was integrated. As often as possible we'd all try to stay out late to play 'kick the can' under that streetlight. Generally by 9 pm the folks would tire of that 'can sound' and call us all inside. Around mid-evening a street vendor would pass by selling ice cream treats.

One night each year June bugs would hatch out (kind of an over large ladybug). We children, being cruel things, would do our best to swat at them with baseball bats. Once in a while we'd all go to nearby Genesee Street park and play 'Red rover, red rover, I dare you come over'! Chestnuts would fall from the trees at the end of summer and be collected just to see who could gather the most.
I was a small town boy. In fact my graduation class had around 64 students. We would not have been so large except that our school district merged with another in the last semester thereby doubling the size of the senior class! Those summer nights meant so much to me and are the very reason I relocated to South Florida. Now every night is summer! The heat, the beach, the strawberries... if only there was someone in this neighborhood who played 'kick the can'.

Make a memory this summer. You won't regret it!

ABOUT STAR TREK

My appetite for all things Star Trek has bemused my friends. All the series and the movies… even the ones that might have been done better.

Don’t be misled; I have no interest in dressing up like Captain Picard or Mr. Spock. Perhaps I’m a poor ‘trekker’ in that regard. I’ve never attended a Star Trek convention, nor do I possess trek memorabilia of any kind. When I was small I did assemble a model star ship ‘Enterprise’ with flashing lights but that was all. I have managed to collect a range of televised Star Trek episodes on VHS. Sadly VHS has gone the way of cassettes, 8 tracks and vinyl albums.

To appreciate the Star Trek phenomena as do I you really have to grapple with those times.
I had finally gotten to the age where my parents would allow me stay at home (alone) on Friday nights (instead of dragging me to the grocery store). This was fine with me in part because I actually had control of the television for a few hours. Of course, we had only 3 channels but I did stumble onto Star Trek one night at 10 pm.

These were volatile years for America. It was shortly after the Kennedy assassination and our nation continues to be rabidly obsessed with that great mystery. We were making the conversion from ‘black and white’ to ‘color’ televisions, and those weren’t the only colors of the day. America was undergoing the civil rights movement. Inner cities throughout the nation were over the top with violent demonstrations. These demonstrations weren’t always about civil rights. We were still immersed in the Viet Nam war and tempers flared. Additionally, the ‘draft’ was still in place and the ‘space race’ was in full swing.

As you already know, a succession of Gemini and Apollo launches would eventually culminate in the first men to walk on the moon. You might not know that the final moonwalk was in 1972 (many years past).
Somewhere along here comes the fictional star ship ‘Enterprise’ representing an earth peopled by our future selves; an earth that has ostensibly eliminated war and poverty and discrimination. A powerful vessel, replete with food ‘replicators’ (no one goes hungry) and with hand held weapons that can be set to ‘stun’ (instead of kill). Doors retreat into the sidewall and computers speak aloud. Medical instruments scan our bodies and injections are administered pneumatically. This multi-national crew carries what appear to be ‘flip phones’. And however odd it may seem, some of these scripted elements are today’s reality.
A multi-national crew it is; an Asian navigator (Sulu), a Russian helmsman (Chekov). A female Watusi (Uhura) handles communications with a Scottish engineer and an Irish doctor and even an extraterrestrial with pointy ears! And of course this able talent was intuitively commanded by the all American hero from Iowa (James T. Kirk). And they weren’t alone; there exists an entire ‘Starfleet’ of ships. We had survived great trauma as a people and somehow the best of our society had prevailed. We found hope.

And yet more hope. As the star ship ‘Enterprise’ speeds throughout the galaxy new worlds are revealed. Most of these worlds were allegorical to our own. A cold war, a convenient war, a corruption; a power struggle, a despot… it was all out there in the stars. We’ve traveled hundreds of light years at warp speed only to meet our previous selves. As above, so below.

For in the end, however far away we may have traveled, the adventure was always in our hearts and minds. ‘Starfleet’ was larger than any of us. A community of planets. We were encouraged to be open and honest and kind; to save, to heal, to preserve, to respect. In accordance with the mantra of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry: “Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination”.

The series was and remains very much a discourse in topics that are not readily addressed in conventional media. Greed, prejudice, oppression, discrimination; all these issues were confronted by our fictitious crews and more. To paraphrase Roddenberry: “We talked about stuff you couldn’t say in the news and it went right over the censors head, but all the 12 years olds got it.”

About TV Advertising

If ever you have watched a few hours of day time television then you have been educated though you may not know. Resting between the cooking shows and the game shows and the morning gab and the afternoon soaps is the complete panoply of our personal woes.

All the problems of our society exist side by side, on the tube, every day.

Who advertises on day time TV? Well, who watches it? Law firms soliciting class action participants pose alongside pharmaceutical companies drumming up product awareness (remember Phen Phen?). Repair your credit or buy a car with no money down and no credit check. Can’t get around very well, you must need a scooter. Slip and fall litigation, DUI defense, the list is long. Declare bankruptcy or study for a new career. ‘Institutional’ ads insinuate to the viewer that you wouldn’t be home watching TV in the middle of the day if you salvaged your career through vocational training! Save your house from foreclosure or get in on the ground floor as the housing market floods with bank owned properties. An entirely new set of potentially litigious circumstances include allergy and asthma medication, feminine hygiene products, depression aids and more. Check out these contraindications, may cause: headache, nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, blurred vision, ringing in the ears, anal leakage, joint pain, redness or swelling of mouth, face or throat, shortness of breath, anxiety and more. And while I’m at it, since I’m paying my doctor to know what’s best for me, why should I ask him about any prescription medication?

Of course the real reason these contraindications are broadcast is to avoid litigation, after all you’ve been apprised of the down side in their commercial. So if you mention the product to your doctor then they know you’ve seen the commercial.

It’s very different at night. Night time television is all about health and/or fitness. The reign of infomercials. Juicers, work out programs and related gear. Make your hair curly or get it straightened, increase your capacity for sexual pleasure (that’s a class action suit waiting to happen). Lonely? Call our chat line and hook up with someone in your area. Maybe you want to work at home for yourself and sell knic knacks that you never see and don’t touch for small profits and a free web presence. How does that work anyway? I guess they sell those things to people without a vocation who watch TV all day! Internet shortcuts anyone? Again with the busty spokes model (preferably with a British accent).

I’ve lost track of the many fitness machines (including awkward to clean juicers and toaster ovens). I wonder where they get audiences for these shows? Who chooses to sit in the audience and be impressed by a sharp knife or a vacuum that can really suck? The crowd glances one to the other in appreciative enquiry. What? Another new grilling machine to congest the unused appliance shelf? I do notice that the taste of cooked food is impressed upon the viewer as aggressively as the cooking hardware itself? There’s always that one taster who rolls their eyes in astonishment.

There have even been a few scandals. The Dell spokes person was busted for pot and lost the gig. The Mac spokes person goes on to get a movie career. The sham wow guy is busted for spousal abuse. The oxy clean pitchman, Billy Mays, knocks his head and mysteriously passes on.

And so it goes in the 21st century.

About Time Pieces

A few days ago my watch band broke. It’s an old self-winding Timex watch that I purchased about 30 years ago. It was a good value at around $30. Certainly the 'Twist-o-flex’ band has been changed many times, but the time peace survives. It still works great. I don’t wear it often, mostly when I’m working and then only to keep track of my set times. You have to wind it if not worn since it is the swinging motion of your wrist that keeps it going. In the still night you can hear it make a soft, hypnotic ‘bonging’.

Mom had a cuckoo clock on the dining room wall with two pine cone weights on chains that had to be hoisted each day. It was very attractive and sounded out the hours all through the night. A little door would open and the tiny bird would pop out, bob up and down while calling to the sound of a bell, then make a speedy retreat.

This is certainly a far cry from the ancient sun dial, a crude if effective method of keeping time. Imagine if you had to run outside periodically to know the hour, and then never at night.

I notice that when you carry a watch on your arm, you do just that… watch it. Sometimes people look to their clock when you pass in the hall. It’s a kind of safety behavior. If they are busy looking at the time they are not available to greet or engage you in conversation.

An aphorism of old states plainly: “A watched pot never boils.” This portends of course that your perception of time, in this instance while boiling water, expands because you’re waiting for the event. I think the same is true for the wearing of watches.

How slowly the day must pass when you constantly remind yourself of the hour. Why is everyone so concerned with monitoring time anyway? They say time is money. So I guess the hours of the day actually tick away at our financial future. Nature has already divided portions of the day into light and dark. Imitating Nature, the US Government has actually legislated changes in this natural rhythm of time, moving the clocks forward and back twice yearly… Daylight Savings Time.

Whatever happened to the pocket watch on a chain? It was an elegant affectation with a snap-to cover instead of a glass bezel. A vested suit would actually feature a ‘watch pocket’. Remember the ‘Dick Tracy’ watch? These days a time peace is likely to have many functions. Some are two inches wide and they call it a chronograph. These components feature everything from television remotes to alarms to calculators to daily planners; they are waterproof depth gauges and look like they could indeed receive HBO.

For many, a time piece is a true fashion statement. A ladies watch has somehow become so tiny it is near unreadable. Is this to say that a woman places less emphasis on time than a man? They do take longer to get ready than men and seem to enjoy having us wait!

Sometimes I think that numbers on the face of a clock are insufficient for the 21st century. What we really need is a clock with verbs on it. We’ll call it the verb watch! Wake, shower, eat, drive, drive, drive, work, break, work, lunch, drive … maybe put a little sex in there on the weekend.

It seems we’ve reached the end of these remarks, my how time flies.

Just out of curiosity, did you take time to stop and smell the roses today?

About Waiting

Waiting. You’d think that in today’s super fast business environment that there would be a lot less waiting. Today we enjoy cell phones and email and faxes and twitters and expressways and high occupancy vehicle lanes and mass transit and instant credit approval and cable news and satellite TV and none of these conveniences can eliminate or help us accept lines at the check out counter. Boo hiss anyone who’s writing a check!

The truth is that society takes great liberties with our time. Rush hour traffic… forget about it! It’s certainly the bane of life in a big city. In Miami it can take 70 minutes to drive eight miles during the morning rush hour. Lines are so long that fledgling industries now avail themselves of the time we are stuck in traffic. Solicitors wander driver to driver, vehicle to vehicle trying to sell whatever you’ll buy. OR… perhaps it’s only someone collecting money.

Ever try to call your local phone company? “For instructions in English press one (this is America, why do we need to press 1 for English?). To route your call correctly press two on your touch tone phone. Choose from the following five options. Choose from the following three options. Choose from the following six options. Visit us on line or call our automated service. Please wait while we connect you with a representative. We estimate your hold time to be 6 minutes.” And that’s presuming you have called the correct department.

They know we’re stuck on the phone and so they ply us with ads. Looped audio of how terrific is their new service with an occasional ‘Your call is very important to us. Stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received’. It’s worse if you call your bank or your credit card people. They want to have the whole 16 digit account number right up front... and more than once!

So one day while standing in line at the post office I did some math. If you wait only 30 minutes a week (a conservative estimate considering the supermarket, the bank, the gas station, the traffic lights and of course ‘hold please’) by months end you will have been in line for two hours. By the end of the year your cumulative total has reached 24 hours. One entire day spent waiting. After 20 years you’ll likely have enough time invested to take a three week vacation!

And we love our vacations. We can hardly wait to get into line at the airport or the cruise terminal or the cinema or the zoo. How satisfying it is waiting to be seated at a table in our favorite restaurant. We wait for luggage, our food and our drinks, and a taxi.

The bigger our civilization gets the more it seems to crush the smallest facets of the day. The arduous commute, the frustrated caller, the tormented traveler… and don’t forget jury duty! It seems the more time saving devices we invent, the more time we spend waiting around for them. And here’s a good example: my room mate is standing in front of the microwave yelling “come on, come on!”

About Height

Humans have had a love affair with height throughout history. The highest mountain, the tallest building, a tall ship or a high-flying plane... even trips to the moon! Perhaps it is only about achieving 'a view from the top'. But I think there's more! 'Reaching for the stars' is a well-known mantra to generations of dreamers. We love the top…

The top of the hill, the top of the stairs, the penthouse views; the tallest tree can be seen from furthest away. As a culture we revere height, especially tall people. Abe Lincoln was tall. Anthony Robbins… tall. A tall person has power unavailable to the smaller of us. Chances of getting your own way are directly related to your height. Political candidates, basketball players, cruise directors and even State Troopers are selected partly because they have a 'look' that includes height.

Classic literature portrays women 'gazing up into the eyes' of their lover. Tall women can be imposing and intimidating. Men rather prefer to be the tallest person in a relationship. A really tall woman seems to defuse the male gender role. Knowing this, I think women choose to dress in heels!

Short people have their own syndrome… 'Short man's syndrome'. There is no such parallel for being tall. Short people have a reputation for being 'scrappy'. Tall people have a more languorous presence.

Tall people can reach to the highest shelf. They have less trouble washing the middle of the roof and observing the tops of our heads! They also have trouble getting their entire body under the covers at one time and avoid sporty cars with low ceilings. Being tall is likely safer, after all Giraffes are lookouts for the animal kingdom. Besides, it's tough to be short. You're the first one to smell a fart and the last one to know it's raining!