If ever you have watched a few hours of day time television then you have been educated though you may not know. Resting between the cooking shows and the game shows and the morning gab and the afternoon soaps is the complete panoply of our personal woes.
All the problems of our society exist side by side, on the tube, every day.
Who advertises on day time TV? Well, who watches it? Law firms soliciting class action participants pose alongside pharmaceutical companies drumming up product awareness (remember Phen Phen?). Repair your credit or buy a car with no money down and no credit check. Can’t get around very well, you must need a scooter. Slip and fall litigation, DUI defense, the list is long. Declare bankruptcy or study for a new career. ‘Institutional’ ads insinuate to the viewer that you wouldn’t be home watching TV in the middle of the day if you salvaged your career through vocational training! Save your house from foreclosure or get in on the ground floor as the housing market floods with bank owned properties. An entirely new set of potentially litigious circumstances include allergy and asthma medication, feminine hygiene products, depression aids and more. Check out these contraindications, may cause: headache, nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, blurred vision, ringing in the ears, anal leakage, joint pain, redness or swelling of mouth, face or throat, shortness of breath, anxiety and more. And while I’m at it, since I’m paying my doctor to know what’s best for me, why should I ask him about any prescription medication?
Of course the real reason these contraindications are broadcast is to avoid litigation, after all you’ve been apprised of the down side in their commercial. So if you mention the product to your doctor then they know you’ve seen the commercial.
It’s very different at night. Night time television is all about health and/or fitness. The reign of infomercials. Juicers, work out programs and related gear. Make your hair curly or get it straightened, increase your capacity for sexual pleasure (that’s a class action suit waiting to happen). Lonely? Call our chat line and hook up with someone in your area. Maybe you want to work at home for yourself and sell knic knacks that you never see and don’t touch for small profits and a free web presence. How does that work anyway? I guess they sell those things to people without a vocation who watch TV all day! Internet shortcuts anyone? Again with the busty spokes model (preferably with a British accent).
I’ve lost track of the many fitness machines (including awkward to clean juicers and toaster ovens). I wonder where they get audiences for these shows? Who chooses to sit in the audience and be impressed by a sharp knife or a vacuum that can really suck? The crowd glances one to the other in appreciative enquiry. What? Another new grilling machine to congest the unused appliance shelf? I do notice that the taste of cooked food is impressed upon the viewer as aggressively as the cooking hardware itself? There’s always that one taster who rolls their eyes in astonishment.
There have even been a few scandals. The Dell spokes person was busted for pot and lost the gig. The Mac spokes person goes on to get a movie career. The sham wow guy is busted for spousal abuse. The oxy clean pitchman, Billy Mays, knocks his head and mysteriously passes on.
And so it goes in the 21st century.
16 March, 2010
27 January, 2010
About Time Pieces
A few days ago my watch band broke. It’s an old self-winding Timex watch that I purchased about 30 years ago. It was a good value at around $30. Certainly the 'Twist-o-flex’ band has been changed many times, but the time peace survives. It still works great. I don’t wear it often, mostly when I’m working and then only to keep track of my set times. You have to wind it if not worn since it is the swinging motion of your wrist that keeps it going. In the still night you can hear it make a soft, hypnotic ‘bonging’.
Mom had a cuckoo clock on the dining room wall with two pine cone weights on chains that had to be hoisted each day. It was very attractive and sounded out the hours all through the night. A little door would open and the tiny bird would pop out, bob up and down while calling to the sound of a bell, then make a speedy retreat.
This is certainly a far cry from the ancient sun dial, a crude if effective method of keeping time. Imagine if you had to run outside periodically to know the hour, and then never at night.
I notice that when you carry a watch on your arm, you do just that… watch it. Sometimes people look to their clock when you pass in the hall. It’s a kind of safety behavior. If they are busy looking at the time they are not available to greet or engage you in conversation.
An aphorism of old states plainly: “A watched pot never boils.” This portends of course that your perception of time, in this instance while boiling water, expands because you’re waiting for the event. I think the same is true for the wearing of watches.
How slowly the day must pass when you constantly remind yourself of the hour. Why is everyone so concerned with monitoring time anyway? They say time is money. So I guess the hours of the day actually tick away at our financial future. Nature has already divided portions of the day into light and dark. Imitating Nature, the US Government has actually legislated changes in this natural rhythm of time, moving the clocks forward and back twice yearly… Daylight Savings Time.
Whatever happened to the pocket watch on a chain? It was an elegant affectation with a snap-to cover instead of a glass bezel. A vested suit would actually feature a ‘watch pocket’. Remember the ‘Dick Tracy’ watch? These days a time peace is likely to have many functions. Some are two inches wide and they call it a chronograph. These components feature everything from television remotes to alarms to calculators to daily planners; they are waterproof depth gauges and look like they could indeed receive HBO.
For many, a time piece is a true fashion statement. A ladies watch has somehow become so tiny it is near unreadable. Is this to say that a woman places less emphasis on time than a man? They do take longer to get ready than men and seem to enjoy having us wait!
Sometimes I think that numbers on the face of a clock are insufficient for the 21st century. What we really need is a clock with verbs on it. We’ll call it the verb watch! Wake, shower, eat, drive, drive, drive, work, break, work, lunch, drive … maybe put a little sex in there on the weekend.
It seems we’ve reached the end of these remarks, my how time flies.
Just out of curiosity, did you take time to stop and smell the roses today?
Mom had a cuckoo clock on the dining room wall with two pine cone weights on chains that had to be hoisted each day. It was very attractive and sounded out the hours all through the night. A little door would open and the tiny bird would pop out, bob up and down while calling to the sound of a bell, then make a speedy retreat.
This is certainly a far cry from the ancient sun dial, a crude if effective method of keeping time. Imagine if you had to run outside periodically to know the hour, and then never at night.
I notice that when you carry a watch on your arm, you do just that… watch it. Sometimes people look to their clock when you pass in the hall. It’s a kind of safety behavior. If they are busy looking at the time they are not available to greet or engage you in conversation.
An aphorism of old states plainly: “A watched pot never boils.” This portends of course that your perception of time, in this instance while boiling water, expands because you’re waiting for the event. I think the same is true for the wearing of watches.
How slowly the day must pass when you constantly remind yourself of the hour. Why is everyone so concerned with monitoring time anyway? They say time is money. So I guess the hours of the day actually tick away at our financial future. Nature has already divided portions of the day into light and dark. Imitating Nature, the US Government has actually legislated changes in this natural rhythm of time, moving the clocks forward and back twice yearly… Daylight Savings Time.
Whatever happened to the pocket watch on a chain? It was an elegant affectation with a snap-to cover instead of a glass bezel. A vested suit would actually feature a ‘watch pocket’. Remember the ‘Dick Tracy’ watch? These days a time peace is likely to have many functions. Some are two inches wide and they call it a chronograph. These components feature everything from television remotes to alarms to calculators to daily planners; they are waterproof depth gauges and look like they could indeed receive HBO.
For many, a time piece is a true fashion statement. A ladies watch has somehow become so tiny it is near unreadable. Is this to say that a woman places less emphasis on time than a man? They do take longer to get ready than men and seem to enjoy having us wait!
Sometimes I think that numbers on the face of a clock are insufficient for the 21st century. What we really need is a clock with verbs on it. We’ll call it the verb watch! Wake, shower, eat, drive, drive, drive, work, break, work, lunch, drive … maybe put a little sex in there on the weekend.
It seems we’ve reached the end of these remarks, my how time flies.
Just out of curiosity, did you take time to stop and smell the roses today?
25 July, 2009
About Waiting
Waiting. You’d think that in today’s super fast business environment that there would be a lot less waiting. Today we enjoy cell phones and email and faxes and twitters and expressways and high occupancy vehicle lanes and mass transit and instant credit approval and cable news and satellite TV and none of these conveniences can eliminate or help us accept lines at the check out counter. Boo hiss anyone who’s writing a check!
The truth is that society takes great liberties with our time. Rush hour traffic… forget about it! It’s certainly the bane of life in a big city. In Miami it can take 70 minutes to drive eight miles during the morning rush hour. Lines are so long that fledgling industries now avail themselves of the time we are stuck in traffic. Solicitors wander driver to driver, vehicle to vehicle trying to sell whatever you’ll buy. OR… perhaps it’s only someone collecting money.
Ever try to call your local phone company? “For instructions in English press one (this is America, why do we need to press 1 for English?). To route your call correctly press two on your touch tone phone. Choose from the following five options. Choose from the following three options. Choose from the following six options. Visit us on line or call our automated service. Please wait while we connect you with a representative. We estimate your hold time to be 6 minutes.” And that’s presuming you have called the correct department.
They know we’re stuck on the phone and so they ply us with ads. Looped audio of how terrific is their new service with an occasional ‘Your call is very important to us. Stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received’. It’s worse if you call your bank or your credit card people. They want to have the whole 16 digit account number right up front... and more than once!
So one day while standing in line at the post office I did some math. If you wait only 30 minutes a week (a conservative estimate considering the supermarket, the bank, the gas station, the traffic lights and of course ‘hold please’) by months end you will have been in line for two hours. By the end of the year your cumulative total has reached 24 hours. One entire day spent waiting. After 20 years you’ll likely have enough time invested to take a three week vacation!
And we love our vacations. We can hardly wait to get into line at the airport or the cruise terminal or the cinema or the zoo. How satisfying it is waiting to be seated at a table in our favorite restaurant. We wait for luggage, our food and our drinks, and a taxi.
The bigger our civilization gets the more it seems to crush the smallest facets of the day. The arduous commute, the frustrated caller, the tormented traveler… and don’t forget jury duty! It seems the more time saving devices we invent, the more time we spend waiting around for them. And here’s a good example: my room mate is standing in front of the microwave yelling “come on, come on!”
The truth is that society takes great liberties with our time. Rush hour traffic… forget about it! It’s certainly the bane of life in a big city. In Miami it can take 70 minutes to drive eight miles during the morning rush hour. Lines are so long that fledgling industries now avail themselves of the time we are stuck in traffic. Solicitors wander driver to driver, vehicle to vehicle trying to sell whatever you’ll buy. OR… perhaps it’s only someone collecting money.
Ever try to call your local phone company? “For instructions in English press one (this is America, why do we need to press 1 for English?). To route your call correctly press two on your touch tone phone. Choose from the following five options. Choose from the following three options. Choose from the following six options. Visit us on line or call our automated service. Please wait while we connect you with a representative. We estimate your hold time to be 6 minutes.” And that’s presuming you have called the correct department.
They know we’re stuck on the phone and so they ply us with ads. Looped audio of how terrific is their new service with an occasional ‘Your call is very important to us. Stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received’. It’s worse if you call your bank or your credit card people. They want to have the whole 16 digit account number right up front... and more than once!
So one day while standing in line at the post office I did some math. If you wait only 30 minutes a week (a conservative estimate considering the supermarket, the bank, the gas station, the traffic lights and of course ‘hold please’) by months end you will have been in line for two hours. By the end of the year your cumulative total has reached 24 hours. One entire day spent waiting. After 20 years you’ll likely have enough time invested to take a three week vacation!
And we love our vacations. We can hardly wait to get into line at the airport or the cruise terminal or the cinema or the zoo. How satisfying it is waiting to be seated at a table in our favorite restaurant. We wait for luggage, our food and our drinks, and a taxi.
The bigger our civilization gets the more it seems to crush the smallest facets of the day. The arduous commute, the frustrated caller, the tormented traveler… and don’t forget jury duty! It seems the more time saving devices we invent, the more time we spend waiting around for them. And here’s a good example: my room mate is standing in front of the microwave yelling “come on, come on!”
23 May, 2009
About Height
Humans have had a love affair with height throughout history. The highest mountain, the tallest building, a tall ship or a high-flying plane... even trips to the moon! Perhaps it is only about achieving 'a view from the top'. But I think there's more! 'Reaching for the stars' is a well-known mantra to generations of dreamers. We love the top…
The top of the hill, the top of the stairs, the penthouse views; the tallest tree can be seen from furthest away. As a culture we revere height, especially tall people. Abe Lincoln was tall. Anthony Robbins… tall. A tall person has power unavailable to the smaller of us. Chances of getting your own way are directly related to your height. Political candidates, basketball players, cruise directors and even State Troopers are selected partly because they have a 'look' that includes height.
Classic literature portrays women 'gazing up into the eyes' of their lover. Tall women can be imposing and intimidating. Men rather prefer to be the tallest person in a relationship. A really tall woman seems to defuse the male gender role. Knowing this, I think women choose to dress in heels!
Short people have their own syndrome… 'Short man's syndrome'. There is no such parallel for being tall. Short people have a reputation for being 'scrappy'. Tall people have a more languorous presence.
Tall people can reach to the highest shelf. They have less trouble washing the middle of the roof and observing the tops of our heads! They also have trouble getting their entire body under the covers at one time and avoid sporty cars with low ceilings. Being tall is likely safer, after all Giraffes are lookouts for the animal kingdom. Besides, it's tough to be short. You're the first one to smell a fart and the last one to know it's raining!
The top of the hill, the top of the stairs, the penthouse views; the tallest tree can be seen from furthest away. As a culture we revere height, especially tall people. Abe Lincoln was tall. Anthony Robbins… tall. A tall person has power unavailable to the smaller of us. Chances of getting your own way are directly related to your height. Political candidates, basketball players, cruise directors and even State Troopers are selected partly because they have a 'look' that includes height.
Classic literature portrays women 'gazing up into the eyes' of their lover. Tall women can be imposing and intimidating. Men rather prefer to be the tallest person in a relationship. A really tall woman seems to defuse the male gender role. Knowing this, I think women choose to dress in heels!
Short people have their own syndrome… 'Short man's syndrome'. There is no such parallel for being tall. Short people have a reputation for being 'scrappy'. Tall people have a more languorous presence.
Tall people can reach to the highest shelf. They have less trouble washing the middle of the roof and observing the tops of our heads! They also have trouble getting their entire body under the covers at one time and avoid sporty cars with low ceilings. Being tall is likely safer, after all Giraffes are lookouts for the animal kingdom. Besides, it's tough to be short. You're the first one to smell a fart and the last one to know it's raining!
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